


The Perils of Snooping

by Gintrinsic



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Misunderstandings, This is absolutely not meant to be taken seriously, Time's disappointed face, mentions of porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28344957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gintrinsic/pseuds/Gintrinsic
Summary: Legend wasn’t trying to snoop. Really, he wasn’t. For all that the others teased that he was a hoarder, Legend respected privacy. It was just that Warriors had left his bag open when he departed with the others to help Wild forage, and—Well, it was impossible not to notice the thin, leather bound notebook resting on top.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 119





	The Perils of Snooping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [turtleduckcrossing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtleduckcrossing/gifts).



> This very silly mini-fic is for turtleduckcrossing, who has been super kind and patient during my many ramblings about LoZ and writing in general. I was originally going to write A Very Serious Story about Legend meeting MM Time (and I probably still will, honestly) then figured some dorky humor might be more appropriate during the holidays! LOL I hope you enjoy!

Legend wasn’t trying to snoop. Really, he wasn’t. For all that the others teased that he was a hoarder, Legend respected privacy. The Goddesses knew there wasn’t much of that to be afforded on this bizarre quest, not with such a large, hyperaware group. Boundaries were therefore necessary, and that extended to possessions. Curious as he was, Legend tended to leave others’ items alone, expecting the same courtesy in return—minus, of course, that one time with the Gerudo veil. Which wasn’t his fault. Point being, privacy was important.

It was just that Warriors had left his bag open when he departed with the others to help Wild forage, and—

Well, it was impossible _not_ to notice the thin, leather bound notebook resting on top.

Legend stared down at the unassuming cover, wondering at its contents in lieu of constructing a fire pit. It was unlike Warriors to collect frivolous things. The guy was dramatic and a little vain, sure, but he was also practical. Was it a journal, perhaps? Something to document their encounters with the corrupted monsters? Maybe it contained useful information. If Warriors was willing to leave it in plain sight, it couldn’t be _that_ personal.

Legend flipped to the first page casually, then immediately gaped. “Oh,” he murmured appreciatively.

Four, who had likewise stayed behind to set up camp, looked over curiously. “Is that Warriors’?” he asked, raising a judgmental brow. “You should know better than to go through someone else’s things.”

“I do!” Legend snapped half-heartedly. “It’s just—” He couldn’t take his eyes off the contents of the first page, and there were at least a dozen more to flip through. There was no way he was just putting this back. “He’ll never know.”

Four’s lips thinned as he frowned. He walked over to figure out what had Legend so captivated. “Surely it’s not worth the retribution. How would you feel if—” He stopped, eyes widening, as he glimpsed the first detailed illustration. “ _Oh_. That’s—I see.”

Legend and Four slowly raised their heads to look at each other, stare meeting awkward stare. Around them, the forest was quiet. “They’ll be another ten minutes,” Four started.

“If we just put it back before—”

“It’s not like it’s a big deal.”

“Right,” Legend agreed. Without fuss, he sat down exactly where he was. Four did the same, leaning in close.

“I can’t believe Warriors has never shared this,” Four muttered, to which Legend snorted.

“Are you kidding? He always hogs nice things.” He flipped to the second page and whistled softly at what he saw. “Wow.”

Four managed to lean in even closer. “They’re beautiful.”

“The curves on that one…” Legend sighed.

“Too much for me, but I can appreciate where you’re coming from.”

Silence followed as they admired the next few pages. Every illustration was a declaration of artistic skill. More than once, Legend couldn’t help but trace his fingers over the graceful lines of ink. Thankfully, Four seemed to understand his gentle reverence.

There were still two pages to go when Time caught them.

“That isn’t what I’d call ‘setting up camp’,” he stated, dropping kindling in the center of the clearing and startling the two nosy heroes in the process.

Legend felt his soul leave his body briefly. “Creep much?” he griped defensively, shoving the notebook behind his back even though it was too late. Four pointedly leaned away, though he was just as red-handed.

Time stared at them for a moment, bemused. “Creep? I just walked up.” Of course, he hadn’t missed seeing the notebook, and he zeroed in on their guilty expressions right away. “What were you looking at?”

“Nothing,” Legend stated, just as Four answered, “We’re sorry.”

Legend shot Four a scowl. “Never admit to anything,” he whispered harshly, but the damage was done; the Old Man briefly studied Warrior’s open bag, and the subsequent look he turned on them was the epitome of disappointed.

“It’s bad enough that you went through his things,” Time began, crossing his arms, “but to shirk responsibility while the others are out working?”

Four winced and stood up. “You’re right. It won’t happen again.”

Legend grimaced, staring at his own feet. He quit bothering trying to hide the notebook and placed it back in Warrior’s bag, taking care to shut the top. Knowing that Time was waiting, he shrugged and finally looked up. “What he said. Sorry.”

Time nodded, expression softening slightly toward something more… uncomfortable. “Look, I get it. You’re both young men, and we’ve been on the road for a while. There’s nothing shameful about arousal—”

Legend swore the universe upended itself at that moment. Or maybe he was having a stroke. “Wait, what?”

“Pardon?” Four echoed, cheeks and ears brightening.

Time held up a finger, intent on finishing his point. “But there’s a time and a place for this kind of thing. Looking at pornographic images when the rest of us are counting on you to set up camp—”

“It’s a weapons picture book! See for yourself!" Legend blurted. The Old Man thought they were—oh _Goddess_. Legend was going to actually die of humiliation. He never thought he’d go out like this (Ravio aside).

Beside him, Four nodded rapidly, earring swaying back and forth. “Hand-drawn models.”

Legend smacked him. “That makes it sound worse!”

“That’s not—Time, no.”

“Right,” Time drawled flatly.

To Legend’s horror, Warriors chose that moment to return with the others. Pretty Boy’s keen eyes picked out their discomfort right away. “What’s going on?” he asked casually, setting aside a bundle of herbs and carrots. 

Time glanced toward the younger members of their group, then leaned in to whisper something to Warriors. After a few seconds, Warriors nodded and scowled faintly, eyes flickering toward his bag. Then he did a doubletake. “My _what?”_

Ignoring the confused glances from the others, Time held up both hands as if to distance himself from the situation. “This isn’t the barracks,” he admonished quietly, giving all three of them a final look before turning to start the campfire.

Warriors, expression shifting from shock to embarrassment, finally turned toward Legend and Four with a smile that was too wide to be anything but threatening. “Care to explain Time’s alarming accusation against my character?” he asked through gritted teeth.

“Close your bag next time,” Legend grumbled, looking aside to a find a chore or ten to do— _anything_ to get away from this conversation.

“What’s happening?” Hyrule asked Wild, who shrugged.

Four sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It was just a few swords and daggers,” he insisted.

“And a dual glaive,” Legend added.

“And a dual glaive,” Four agreed longingly.

Warriors squinted at them. “Wait, is this just about my weapons compendium?”

Wind doubled over laughing. “You guys got off on a weapons picture book? Sickos.”

“No!” Legend and Four yelled simultaneously.

Honestly, Legend hoped the next portal shot him straight into Death Mountain’s interior.


End file.
